Christian teenage dating kissing

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  1. Teen Issues: Friendship, Dating & Sex
  2. When Should You Kiss in Dating?
  3. Recently On Singles Advice
  4. Why Christian Kids Should Save Kissing (and other things) for Marriage. - FAITHFUL MAN®

Teen Issues: Friendship, Dating & Sex

Ask God to help you get over it because you are the primary source from whom God intended your children to learn what they need to know. Before trying to answer the question of what is appropriate, there is another question that is more fundamental to this conversation.

"It's Only Hugging" - Boundaries In Christian Dating

Are we going to be biblical Christians, or are we going to consult our own reasoning and feelings first, extrapolating from them what we should teach our children? If we are to be biblical Christians we must conform our lives to what the Bible says, regardless of where our feelings and human reasoning would take us. Does God require faithfulness and purity in marriage? Marriage is sacred and it is, according to the Bible, between a husband and wife.

When speaking with Christian singles, I like to ask this question. The response is always the same. God would have His children be faithful to their spouses all the days of their lives. Not just after they get married. I'm confused about why the Bible says premarital sex is wrong. I'm not in a sexual relationship, but some of my Christian friends are. They say it's OK because they had dated their boyfriend or girlfriend a long time and felt that they were ready for the next level of commitment.

In a way, I agree with their decision. Is kissing the farthest your relationship can go physically if you believe premarital sex is wrong? How are you supposed to grow closer together if you can't show your love, affection and commitment to each other in a more passionate way than kissing? Besides, in most relationships, kissing comes into the picture within a couple of weeks.

Is there a way for people to grow closer to someone physically and emotionally without going against their Christian values? Those are great questions, and I thank you for asking them.

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You've posed the dilemma well. And yes, you've understood correctly.

The Bible very clearly views sexual intercourse as an expression of love belonging only to married couples. Sex is not merely a physical way to express love.

It's also a spiritual interchange that binds two people's hearts and souls together. When you have sex with someone, you're supposed to stay together forever. And that means you should only have sex with the person you have married. So what happens to people who are, as you say, "ready for the next level of commitment? I certainly don't think so.

Your question points out a problem with the way we think about relationships sometimes. When we define a relationship by what goes on physically, we forget the qualities that really make for a healthy, lasting relationship—qualities like compatibility, respect, and shared values and interests.

These parts of a relationship are more important than sex, whether people are married or not. When we overemphasize the physical ways of expressing love, we start to undervalue other ways to show love, like listening when someone is speaking, or giving a sweet smile or gentle hug. We stop looking for creative ways to show love. Instead, we simply feed our desire to go further physically until sex is the only thing left to do. You're right that people will need to control themselves by choosing not to have sex. And kissing is OK for unmarried couples—as long as they are kissing to express affection and genuine love.

But please don't underestimate the value of a kiss—or its power. When deep, passionate kissing goes on for long, it's simply a warm-up for sex. When couples place themselves in intimate settings with no one around, they are likely to find that French kissing leaves them sexually excited and they simply want to go farther and farther. No wonder even Christian couples "feel" that sex is OK! Their runaway feelings tell them it's OK. Unmarried couples who choose to have sex probably feel more physically satisfied at first.

But the more important question is, Do they really grow closer in lasting and important ways beyond that physical relationship? I think a sexual relationship between people who are dating can contribute to the breakdown of those relationships. It's well known that couples who live together and have a sexual relationship before marriage are more likely to divorce.

The fact is, sex before marriage isn't good preparation for a marriage. That's especially true if you have two, three, four or a dozen sexual partners by the time you find the person you want to stay with forever. Most people who make sex a part of dating relationships will have several partners before marriage. They think a relationship will last, but it doesn't. So they go on to the next partner. That mindset—and the consequences that follow—can be difficult to overcome, even after a person is married.

Dating is not supposed to be a state of perfect contentment.

When Should You Kiss in Dating?

It's supposed to be about finding the right one, and preparing for a good marriage. No one should think that a string of sexual relationships will lead to a lasting love during the dating process. If you do, you'll likely deal with a great deal of dissatisfaction and be very unfulfilled.

I've been with a guy for almost a year now, and I don't know how far is too far.

Recently On Singles Advice

I'm not going to have sex with him, but there's so much other stuff that people can do. I know I love him very much, but I just don't know what is too far. I'm glad you're asking this question. Most people try to figure out the answer on an experimental basis. Unfortunately, they often learn the hard way that what feels good may not turn out to be good.


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The Bible doesn't address your question specifically. People didn't really date in those days. In fact, they might not have seen their spouse until the wedding day. In our day, though, most young people meet the opposite sex long before their wedding day, and they have ample opportunity to spend time alone together.

Why Christian Kids Should Save Kissing (and other things) for Marriage. - FAITHFUL MAN®

I was in junior high. A kiss either leads to more or it leads to a breakup—but in junior high it doesn't lead to marriage anytime soon. Later in life, when marriage actually was a possibility, each dating relationship carried the question of when we should first kiss. I wish I could say I was wise about it, but the ignorance of junior high continued, and therefore I was driven more by emotions and desires. I ended up going further than I should have physically, which I would later regret.

For some people, whose main goal in dating is to have sex as quickly as possible, the question of when to first kiss may seem irrelevant. But if you are following Christ and therefore care about the fact that the Bible says premarital sex is a sin , and like all sin is simply not the best God has for you , then the question about when to start kissing before marriage becomes more important.

When is it wise? The question comes up even more when you see people who wait until their wedding to have their first kiss. The Bible talks about being single, then engaged, and then married. The Bible does talk quite a bit about kissing, including at least one clear instance of kissing before marriage. In fact, in that case Genesis However, kissing was more of a common greeting then, like a hug or a handshake today; the Bible also talks about Jacob kissing his dad Genesis A more relevant verse is 1 Corinthians 6: But my question is: